my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
