Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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