I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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