Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
