I just pynch a tree in the face
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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