someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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