I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
