So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
