he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
