based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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