Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
