yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
