i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
