Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
