On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
