He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
