ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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