remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
