You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I supernannyed him into submission
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
