idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
