What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
