This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
