from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
