then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
two words...techno handjob
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just found a bag of teeth...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
