Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
