wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
