you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
