And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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