May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Welp...herpes.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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