fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
