I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
