yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
