it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
