watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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