I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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