Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
