You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
