he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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