Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
