im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish i was in the wii world.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
