so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
