I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
