Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
