Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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