I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
