please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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