Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
