I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
