how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
