so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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