Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
