I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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